Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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