Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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