Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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