I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
