end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
