the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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