does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she woke up with a sticky ear
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
