We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
