I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
