i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
