guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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