Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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