but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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