the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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