rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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