I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
