Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
