i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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