apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
