I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
