No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Panties = found
Randomize
