Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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