Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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