my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize