Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
