my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
