True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
