What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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