It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
