So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
