Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
