I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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