it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
