my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
