No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
