you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
