Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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