Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
