a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize