So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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