Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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