Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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