did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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