dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
