You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
