Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
