Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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