So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
