I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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