theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
