woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
