my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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