New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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