I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
