I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
