I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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