Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize