woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Ketchup is God's man juice
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
