u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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