Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize