i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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