Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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