Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
