I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize