So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
