Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
did i just pee glitter
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
