ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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