I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
