Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
